My History ...

So it's my turn to give you my background and try to explain how I got to where I am now.

My Background:
I am one of 7 children and was raised by my mother and my step-father. Both of my parents were strong Christians, definitely fundamentalists. I have great respect for my upbringing. I definitely believe that it played a part in who I have become. I think I was your typical homeschooler ... my life revolved around my family, school, and books. Since both my parents worked the younger children were my responsibility - I learned early on how to teach, nurture, cook, clean and corral. I attended church every time the doors were open and took lengthy notes through out the sermon.

What happened?
I moved out of my parents house when I was 20. I couldn't deal with it any more. I had stayed as long as possible to be a buffer for my younger siblings, but there came a time that I had to admit I couldn't deal anymore. To the outside world we were the happiest family there was - the "perfect" Christian family - a prime example to the world - when in actuality life sucked. My step-father didn't know how to be a father or a provider. My mother was taught to submit to her husband, regardless. There was never enough money. They were in perpetual conflict, and both had tempers. Put these things together and you have a living hell.

Please don't get me wrong - I would NEVER say that my life was worse than anyone else's - I know that there are people who have gone through WAY worse things than I have.

Anyways - back to point...when I moved out I stopped attending church regularly. Scott moved to Mississippi for school at the same time. I didn't agree with the doctrine of the church my parents were attending and didn't feel comfortable attending the church S's family went to without him. S and I discussed my dwindling faith and he really encouraged me to read Grace Unknown (R.C. Sproul) and re-evaluate. We even started doing a bible study together regarding world views. I would attend church and other religious activities with S when I visited him in MS, but still didn't attend on my own.

As S mentioned in his post he moved back here and we got married. We visited several churches off and on, but never really found one that we felt comfortable at. It seemed that there were not many young people in our stage of life that attended church. Because of that it was really hard to "fit in" and form new friendships. We discussed church and religion often, but it just sort of slipped away in my opinion. I unknowingly settled into a "whatever" attitude. I felt guilty for not going to church, but not enough to actually change my habits. I still considered myself a Christian.

Then we found out we were pregnant - and oh goodness did this change EVERYTHING. We started talking in earnest about what we believed - it's one thing to have a "whatever" attitude when it is just yourself, but I don't think it's acceptable when you have a small person coming into the world that is your responsibility.

So that brings me to the same place where S ended his post - rougly a year ago. More soon!

Love,
Camille ~*~